Is it ok to hope?

I haven’t updated you much since I’ve been back from the DR, mainly because I’m pressed for time as I’m trying to reconnect with lots of people while I’m briefly back in the States. However, I’ve received multiple requests to blog about this, so here it goes:

I, like many other young adults, have reached the stage in life where it seems like all of my friends are either engaged, married, or talking about getting married. And I, like many other single women, am left asking myself, “When will it be my turn?”

Now before any of you start thinking that I am just another one of those fantasy chasing, needs-a-man-to-complete-me, constantly daydreams about her wedding kind of girl, let me say this: I have found the last few years of my life to be an adventure in which God has drawn me more in love and satisfied with Him than ever. I’ve gotten to live in another culture, come alive through significant conversations with others, and gained confidence through the experiences God has enabled me to walk through. I would continue to live this way in my singleness for the rest of my life if that’s what He’d call me to do.  But that’s not what this post is about.

This post is about my journey of seeking an answer to why I have this desire—at times an aching longing—for a life long companion.

Have you ever hinted to your parents that you want a certain gift for Christmas and desperately hope they actually get it for you? You know, with the same kind of desperation Ralphie had for the Red Rider BB gun? You get excited just thinking about how you’ll use the gift, but are conflicted about the possibility of that sinking feeling you could have if you don’t find it under the tree. You begin to wonder if it’s even worth your hope for fear of how you’ll feel if you don’t get it. This is the question I’ve been asking God for a while now: “Is it ok for me to hope for a future spouse?” (What I’m secretly asking him is really something more like, “Can you just tell me if I’m going to be single for the rest of my life so I can stop getting my hopes up whenever I meet someone who fits the bill?”)

As I asked God this question for the umpteenth time, I started to hear an answer, though not to the question I was asking. He reminded me of Genesis 1:27,

So God created mankind in his own image,
   in the image of God he created them;
   male and female he created them.

He continued to remind me of something I had read about–how the feminine heart reflects His own character. I began making a list of core desires I have as a woman and considering how these might reflect God’s longings as well. It didn’t take long for me to figure out my top three priorities as it relates to my romantic petitions:

1) to be understood and known,

2) to be pursued,

3) for someone to be committed to me.

I was taken aback when I began making connections to what Scripture tells us is true about God’s heart:

Wasn’t it God who said, “I will give them a heart to know me” in Jeremiah 24:7? And wasn’t it Jesus himself who prayed “that they may know you, the only true God” in John 17:3? God also wants to be known intimately.

And isn’t it interesting the exact phrase “seek the Lord” is mentioned over 25 times in the Bible? It is so important to Him to be pursued that before Jesus’ sacrifice paid the price for people’s sins, the Old Testament tells us that “all who would not seek the LORD, the God of Israel, were to be put to death (2 Chronicles 15:13).”

And try to tell me God doesn’t desire commitment after reading about the Parable of the Rich Man (Luke 18). This guy obeyed all the law and did everything required to follow the Lord, yet God asked him to give that which he still clung to, his wealth, as a demonstration of his devotion.

I was moved by what the Lord shared with me that night, and felt compassion for how His heart must ache, too, when His children say they love Him and go to church every Sunday, but don’t know how to show that love in the midst of their daily lives. If I may, it’s kind of like the guy who tells you it was love at first sight and professes to adore you when he doesn’t even know what your values are, what you’re talented at, or your favorite flavor of ice cream. Empty words don’t build relationship or fill the need to be known.

All of a sudden I could understand the way God must feel when people give up on trying to grow in their walks with Him as I contemplated my own frustration with circumstances where it appears someone is drawn to you, but nothing ever comes of it. If I want someone who’ll chase after what they like in me, I’m certain God wants it too.

And finally, I see more clearly than ever why God desires us to be lifelong followers committed to growing with Him as I think about the satisfying fulfillment of growing with your spouse until you both turn gray and have wrinkles from a lifetime of laughter.

God didn’t answer if it was ok to hope for a spouse (or tell me if I am going to be single for the rest of my life), but He did show me He was true to His promise that “If you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you seek with all your heart and with all your soul (Deuteronomy 4:29).” I know Him better now. And somehow Psalm 34:10 restores my hope:

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.