Trust and Dependence

The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in Him. –Nahum 1:7

I’ve mentioned the gua guas before—they’re one of the cheaper public transportation options and I can’t imagine why with 5 people crammed in each row meant to sit 4 and others standing in the front (this is the size of a large van by the way, not really a bus). Anyways, there does not exist some brilliant map of the routes these things take nor can you know what the “KM,”  “19,” etc are supposed to be telling you about the direction they are headed in. There’s always a guy working for the bus who’s standing at the open door yelling sing-songy phrases in Spanish trying to get anyone on the streets (and I don’t think they care if you’re going in their direction or not) to get on their bus.

I have taken the gua gua three times now. The most recent adventure on these vehicles—of which I will always compare to the Knight Bus from Harry Potter in how ridiculous you feel riding it—was no different from the others. There I am, standing on the sidewalk, knowing that I need to go in “that” direction to some store on a street that I think I’m pronouncing the name right for, and it’s definitely not within walking distance. I have to try my luck on the gua gua. So one pulls up, and of course the guy has already been yelling yards away for us to hop on, not really caring where we are going. We ask if he’ll let us know when we need to exit when we’re as close to our destination as possible and though he says “yes,” I get the feeling that it’s not on his list of priorities and is probably likely to forget. So we ask the people on the bus if they know where we need to exit. By the way, I say we as if I was a part of this process. While my Spanish is decent, I can’t understand someone else’s to save my life, so I left this part to N and B. So here I am on this bus that just made a turn in the opposite direction that I think we should be going, with two translators who I’m hoping are asking the right questions, and all I can do is just sit there hoping that we’ll make it there somehow.

I don’t like feeling dependent on others. I hate the feeling of helplessness which implies incompetence. Not only that, but here I can’t even fake it that I know what I’m doing. 

And then God speaks. As I sit in scrunched in between 4 people on this rickety bus, praying “God would you please help us get there ok and that we wouldn’t be taken to a place so far away that I can’t figure out how to get back home,” He says, “You might not be able to depend on these, but can’t you depend on me?” I realize that maybe I have been placed here in this helpless position to practice dependence through relying on others. That instead of being discouraged by my inadequacies, I can watch for God to step in and be my rescue. It’s a scary place to be, but won’t it be cool when I have a collection of memories upon which I can praise God for?