Attempt at Perfect

I’ve been distracted from blogging for a while. We’ve had quite a few visitors this month and have been keeping busy, but I’ve also been sick all week—which has given me some time to reflect on a few things.

A month ago, my roommate Katie told me about how some friends of hers dedicated an entire year to making the perfect batch of chocolate chip cookies. They would bake at least a batch a week, trying different recipes, playing with oven temperatures, tweaking measurements. The best part is that everyone got to be taste testers in the mean time.

So we decided that we should take on a challenge of our own, to use this year to “perfect” a culinary endeavor. What will mine be?

Scones.

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of trying one of these delectable foods (perhaps you were more of a muffin person when faced with the decision at Starbucks), scones are a British biscuit-like snack that many enjoy with tea. Personally, I treasure scones for how they contributed to one of my fondest memories growing up of having tea parties with my mom, grandma, and siblings.

I finally got around to baking a batch this weekend. Here’s the basic recipe I used, though had to make a few cultural adjustments (stores don’t sell baking soda or buttermilk; fortunately these are easy to substitute). 

They came out pretty great!

As I ate my tasty scone, I reflected on what it means to be made perfect. My scones tasted great already, but were they perfect? What would need to be changed about them to be without flaw? If people eat and enjoy them, does it really matter then if they are perfect?

To confess, I have been guilty of trying to make myself perfect. I recently discovered this (though not for the first time in my life) as I realized how worn out I was and how much I depend on affirmation from the things I am able to accomplish.

Key example: the first couple days of being sick, I felt really guilty for watching t.v. when I could have been working on something productive—emails, newsletters, this blog, even studying the Bible.

Yikes. This is when I realized that I need to relearn what it means to rely on God’s grace and remember that love is the greatest thing He’s asked from me.

A recent entry of a blog I subscribe to called The Resurgence puts it this way:

“…Our humanness is bound up in imperfection and that Jesus has perfected us by grace and thus we press on for his words of “Well done” and nobody else’s.”  

Long story short, I am not perfect and my scones will probably never be either, but both are still enjoyed despite their flaws!

The Cost of Transformation

I wrote the following exactly a year ago today. It’s amusing to read things you’ve written in the past, and I share it on my blog today because even after an entire year, it still has meaning for me.

We're studying Forgotten God in our small group and this question got some heavy reactions:

"Are you open to being transformed [by the Holy Spirit] no matter what that may mean for your life? If you do want to be changed, why do you desire this? If you don't, what is keeping you from desiring this change?"

So what is my answer?

Before I offer it, I want to share how the story of Elijah has captivated me lately. The story is in 1 Kings 17-19. What caught my attention was what he said in Chapter 19, verses 3,4:

Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died."

I can totally relate with what I imagine Elijah was feeling. His lament followed a sequence of events in which he saw God provide free refills of flour and oil to a widow, raise her child from the dead, burn an offering that was drenched in water, send rain after years of drought, and run faster than a chariot to escape that rain. In all honesty, this man saw God do astounding things. What could cause him to find himself alone and waiting for death to take him? Was it taxing on him when the widow cursed God for allowing her son to die? Was he nervous when the worshippers of Baal were calling on their god to ignite their offering? Did he feel burdened in being the one to pray fervently for the rain to come? Surely Jezebel's threat of death sent him right over the edge.

I said that I can relate to Elijah. While I've never witnessed God's work in the same way that Elijah did, I have seen God do mighty things before my eyes. When I asked for a way out of the temptation to follow my peers and their recreational drinking for sake of keeping companionship, he provided a community of new friends who were truly following Christ, who were fun and helped me walk in a path that was life giving. I received courage as the Lord brought me to East Asia to share the Gospel with college students and witness some give their lives to Christ despite a language barrier and a strong opposition by the national government. Now as I am in the Dominican Republic, I am leading our team of five young adults who have never been out of the country for a year, not to mention never with the sole purpose of reaching students for Christ as a profession. We don't know what students need to hear to be free to experience Christ, my Spanish is at best mediocre, and our team dynamics are far from seamless.Despite how I've seen God work in my past, most days the weight of these responsibilities brings me to the same disposition as Elijah: "Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died."

Before we answer if we are open to transformation by the Spirit, we have to analyze the cost.

Is it too honest to share that there are days when I wish that the success of my job didn't depend on God working through me? That it would be more comfortable for me to go back to being a high school math teacher where I can put in the hours of preparing lessons for students, being a good role model for eight hours a day, then go home and relax?

Instead, I am challenged with continuously seeking God's counsel to lead my team with wisdom and strength to obey his commands. When the Spirit asks me to drop my anger towards a teammate and spend time in prayer that unity and love would abound, I can't help but think, "No, thank you!" When the Spirit is asking me to lead my team in a time of worship, I want to crawl in a hole and stay there because I'd rather be shy about my gifts of singing and playing the guitar than to trust God that His Spirit will provide much needed rejuvenation to our team despite my lack of proper training.

So how can we be sure that the benefits of letting the Spirit transform our lives out weigh the costs?

Growing up, my mom always challenged me to do socially risky things: sing in talent shows, try out for cheer, run for student government, wear a super trendy outfit to school, take back food that wasn't cooked to order. I always groaned and tried to get out of doing these things, but she always convinced me that it really wasn't that big of a deal and that I had more to gain than to lose. I'll never forget the day that I learned that the reason she pressed me so hard was because she was too afraid to take these kinds of risks! We were at a water park and she refused to go down the water slide. Even after I told her how much fun it would be and that it wasn't that scary, she still resisted.

While I won't compare the thrill of living in compliance to the beckoning of the Holy Spirit to a trip down a water slide, it does help me realize how much I've gained when I've accepted my mom's challenges and how much we have to gain when we take the risks He asks us to take. I received attention and appreciation by my family when I sang for them. In cheer, I was able to express myself through movement and blossom in a time when my self confidence was in need of a boost. Being in student government put me in situations where I needed to meet new people and I saw myself being able to encourage those who felt unseen in our student body.

We won't always know what the benefits are of following the Holy Spirit. They might not even benefit ourselves, but someone else. If I want my answer to be "Yes, I want to be transformed by the Holy Spirit no matter what it may mean for my life," I have to remind myself daily of the truth in Psalm 84:10-12:

A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else! I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live the good life in the homes of the wicked. For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. O Lord of Heaven's Armies, what joy for those who trust in you.

Little Things That Bring Me Joy #3

Playing games is a favorite family pastime, college experience, and one way that I still enjoy interacting with friends. They can be fast paced like Catch Phrase and Speed, or thought provoking and strategic like Settlers of Catan or Bang.

A fun group game that I haven’t gotten to play since my days at ASU (a whole year ago I know…) is Mafia. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it’s basically where all players are secretly given roles and everyone has to figure out which ones are the Mafia by reasoning it out with the other players.

My moment of joy today was seeing five of my Dominican friends—including Leyla—learn the game as they played it with us for the first time and love it! After one round, they begged to play again. I am loving being able to bring in pieces of what is fun to us into our growing relationship with them.

It was a little tricky to play the bilingual version, pero vale la pena!

Eucharisteo

This post was really hard for me to sit down to write.

I will only use one sentence to describe the chaos that has been overwhelming me last week:

Our electricity has been completely out for eight days now—no fridge, washing machine, internet, lights, hair dryer, charging of phones…nothing!

There’s no need to go into the gory details of how that’s affected our daily lives, because this post is not aimed to glorify the problem, but rather glorify our Caretaker.

You know how people say they hate praying for patience because then they are faced with situations that require patience? Well, since this summer I’ve been seeking to know the joy that comes from gratitude. Hence, the electricity has been out among other circumstances that force me to look a little harder to find that beauty amidst the ugly.

It may be hard for us Westerners to relate to the passage in Matthew 6 about worrying over what we will eat, drink, or wear because God knows and provides for our needs. Even as I go on week two of no electricity, I still have my fundamental needs met and then some.

But I don’t think it matters how difficult a trial we are walking through; God still wants to be our provider AND even more importantly, wants us to experience joy regardless of our circumstances:

I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:12

But how is that joy possible when the world is chaos around me? Ann Voscamp, author of 1,000 Gifts puts it this way:

“I would never experience the fullness of my salvation until I expressed the fullness of my thanks every day.” (40)

Eucharisteo in the Greek language means “to give thanks” and is where the practice of Eucharist, or taking communion, gets its name.

The secret of being content and filled with joy despite your circumstances is recognizing that there are many things to be grateful for. That God is still good. That He is not withholding electricity from my apartment because He doesn’t love me, but He dearly loves me and I can experience that love despite that problem.

I don’t know if that makes much sense, and I hope no one reads this thinking I never complain about things because I’m grateful for the good things in life (believe me, I can be an expert complainer!) But I just want others to know that there is peace and joy to be found when we choose to seek God, thank God, and enjoy the good things of life.